A lesson in hypocrisy

So, after two weeks of teamwork intensive practices, urging everyone to play as a team instead of individuals, and holding forth on why no one should argue with bad calls, the team was put to the test. They passed. Teamwork was solid, no big egos, not one peep about bad calls.
I, however, failed miserably. I acted as if my screaming about bad calls was the only thing keeping us in the game. In just a few seconds, I lost faith in everything.  Instead of relying on the team's solid performance, I freaked out. Instead of falling back on my years of experience doing this, I became unhinged.  I acted as if the mountains of blood, sweat, time, energy, emotions, and money that I and everyone else have put into the league were not as important as some errant zebra out to make a name. My outbursts cost my team a penalty and nearly got me thrown out of the game. I pouted for several minutes, when I should have been doing my job. Only the stern words of the medic snapped me out of it. Did my behaviour cause the loss? Possibly.
As my coaching career winds down, I am more and more concerned with how I will leave this league. I have never been concerned with my win/loss record (it's dismal), but I now worry that it indicates something really bad: that this league is now worse off  than when I started coaching. Fuck a legacy, I should have focused on "First, do no harm." I am now in the position of apologizing for three years of my life, when I only ever meant to help. I know I'm indulging in self-pity here, but I really don't know what I can do to make some positive changes. I guess I should start by not being such a whiny little bitch.